5 Tips On How To Take Back Your Personal Power

Written By: Nicoli Alexander

I am fully convinced that it is a natural human characteristic to feel powerless. The jury is out on whether that is a natural instinct, or one that is taught to us by society.  The good news is that you can take back your personal power in just 5 easy steps. (Who am I kidding; nothing in life is that easy)

One of the first questions you should ask yourself is; where are you spending all of your energy?  Is that energy helping you to grow and learn, or are you spending your time in toxic relationships?  All of us make decisions every day, and it is not very often we sit back to analyze what our power represents to those around us, and who is using your energy for their own personal gain.  The most difficult part of this is being emotionally intelligent enough to know the difference.  Here are 5 tips that may get you started on your way to taking back your personal power.

Tip # 1: The first step to increase your personal power is to know that everyone has power in one form or another.  That power can be by position, job title, emotional availability, knowledge, self-control, or even physical strength.  Many of us unfortunately think that power can only be derived from wealth, status or a job title.  We do not look at our other talents as a source of power.

Tip # 2: The second step is to take a look at what areas you have power, or identify areas that people have power around you.  Take a moment to look at the list below and see if there are areas that you consider strengths.

o   Knowledge
o   Physical Appearance
o   Rank and Title
o   Work Experience
o   Responsiveness to Others
o   Assign and Control Resources
o   Social Skill and Tact
o   Idealism
o   Analytical Skill
o   Status and Wealth
o   Logic/ Problem Solving
o   Listening Skills
o   Humor
o   Position in Hierarchy
o   Enthusiasm
o   Interpersonal Persuasiveness 

Tip # 3: Now that you’ve realized how powerful you are, my job is done here. In all seriousness, you are so much more powerful that you know.  We might not all have the ability to see ourselves that way, but that skill can be learned with a little practice.  When you are meeting new people in your day, take a moment to practice using a personal power that you do not feel confident in.  If you admire someone for their listening abilities, try to stay in the moment and actively listen to someone who needs your assistance or is asking for advice.  The best way to actively listen to someone is to (Silently in your head) repeat the exact words that the person is saying to you.  This will prevent you from letting your mind wander, and it will also keep you focused on what is being said to you.

Tip #4: Take a moment to look at the people in your life and analyze what power they are bringing into your life, or taking away from you.  I can share personal example with you when I did this same activity. I realized that I enjoy taking care of others.  I believe that the true purpose in my life is to help other people discover their passions. One of the realizations I had was that I was spending all of my time trying to pick other people up, and not enough time trying to create my own sense of self.  After realizing this I created a list of 5 activities I wanted to do that had nothing to do with helping others.  I started to create art, write, attend book clubs, travel, and connect with friends that could provide me feedback instead of the other way around. 

Tip #5: The only reason you are feeling powerless to make that change, or do something different with yourself, is that you have created a story in your own mind.  The internal dialogue we create in our head often is the root cause of why we feel powerless.  I have to keep this job because no one else will hire me. He is the only man that will ever love me. I can’t say no because then my friends will not like me anymore.  We all have negative stories we are telling ourselves.  The key to feeling more powerful is to KNOCK IT OFF.

That may sound like the most obvious advice you have ever received in your life. The real reason you may have felt powerless in the past is that you have been waiting for permission to succeed.  No one is ever going to give you permission to be the best version of yourself.  No one is ever going to tell you that you should be a CEO of your own company, or a travel blogger, or fashion model in Milan.  You are the creator of your own life, and it is up to you to start writing your story. 

Be well my friends!

~Nicoli Alexander